Little spoons don't ask big questions
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
