Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
