3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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