Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
