I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
