he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
