I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
