If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
