Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
