my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
