yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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