At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
