Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
