what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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