He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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