I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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