naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
