I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
