I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
