If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
