when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize