So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
