You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
