I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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