Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
