Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
