Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
