My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
