i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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