I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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