So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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