I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
