look no pants
id be glad to
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
