I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
