omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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