Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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