how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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