Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
