Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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