mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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