I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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