yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
