return my video game
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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