I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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