Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize