the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize