you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
