Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
