im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
