Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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