call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
