dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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