True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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