I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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