something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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