I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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