If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
