I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
