At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
