What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
