i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I AM VODKA MAN
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
