sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude. I can hear the air.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
