Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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