I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
