I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
