As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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