wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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