dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
